weirdass things.

I have no idea what to blog about, but I am in the mood for blogging.

:: Disclaimer: All the below is complete fiction, don't take it seriously, I don't mean what I say, so don't throw me in jail. ::

Therefore, I have decided to start a 'bitchlist', which is purely biased and groundless, and based on gut feel (i.e.: MY gut feel), and should not be taken seriously because I am not about to go to jail for publishing this kind of shit.

Start.

Lots of stuff annoy me. My bitchlist as follows:-

1.) Old people that take miniscule steps to cross the road.
Seriously, if you're that old and feeble, get a fucking tram. Old people zoom everywhere on their shopping trolley/tram things in Australia. Don't take fucking 20 minutes to cross the road, and even if you still gots to take your bloody time, don't fucking jaywalk. Your abilities do not permit jaywalking. Not only that. but you can't possibly run away if you got accosted by policemen nor would you be able to pay the fine (i find old people notoriously carry very little money and are usually poor as.)

2.) Crying babies.
Ok, by 'crying', you may define that as 'screaming its head off prune'. I really hate babies that cry-scream. It's annoying, they're a pain in the ass, they're contributing to the noise pollution, etc. I fucking hate babies. Toddlers are ok - they're still cute-ish and that only goes for some. Babies are ugly (Linda, I agree) and they look like prunes. Evil prunes.

3.) Politicians.
This is a sensitive subject. I'll tread carefully. I fucking hate ALL politicians which makes me:
a) fair (i said ALL)
b) vague (i never mentioned any names)
c) conclusive (it's a statement)
I rule. Politicians suck. There's really no need to say anymore.

4.) Yappy dogs.
It's fine if they're still puppies, they don't know any better. But some dogs are just fuuuuucking annoying. Especially my neighbour's dog. No. this is no shih tzu or chihuahua with incessant barking tendencies. This is a fully grown golden retriever with some serious people issues. Every bloody thing. Every single form of life that goes past those gates will incur a volley of barks that do not stop for at least 10 minutes. And it's been going on for years. You could say that we would've gotten used to it by now, but.. no. I still wanna shoot the damn dog.

5.) Kara-not-ok.
Now that we're on the subject of noise pollution, I'd like to briefly touch upon the subject of shite karaoke singers. Now, I know people like to sing. I like to sing too. But I also know that my voice sure as hell ain't perfect and I may not sing the kinda songs that people would like to listen to, so I fucking KEEP IT DOWN, BITCH. Anyhow. There's this lady that lives near my friend's place who sings her hokkien songs EVERYDAY. Also, she has this screechy undertone to her voice like one of those aunties who berate their kids 24/7? along with this shriek type sound at the end of every vowel. and her taste is songs is downright dodgy. It's all the "jit parh bun'' type of hokkien songs. haha! and she's such a bad singer.

6.) Birds.
Now.. I'm not sure about you, but I've always harboured a secret (or not-so-secret) wish to kick a bird. Like, the bird would be looking in the direction and I come up behind it and give it a swift and sharp kick up it's ass and sending flying. Whoohoo! That would be SO great.
I mean, the funniest thing evah. I just recalled. Is this incident with bird poo. (sorry Candy, I have to tell it.) I was having lunch with a friend (for privacy's sake I shall just call her C- WHAHAHAHAHA) C, and we were seated just under a couple of trees on the grass lawn.
Anyhow. we were happily eating when suddenly this splodge of white stuff comes hurtling from the sky into her box of chinese. And the aftersplash went over her jeans. HAHAHAHAHAHA that was SO funny. I pretty much about died laughing just looking at the look on her face.
But yes, this is why bird poo is like, dangerous man. That was classic.

7.) Lousy drivers.
Man. no words needed. if you need fucking more than 4 times to reverse into a parking space, you are absolutely inept and should be shot. Because you're fucking holding up everyone else that could prolly do it in 2 turns maximum, loser.

8.) Aunties.
Auntie Network, or more officially known as the auntie gossip network, is a powerful thing. Also bloody annoying because they will know every bloody bit of dirty linen that you have to air.
Aunties, are a force to be reckoned with, because of their amazing ability to know everything: what was the ex girlfriend's car model or second-cousin-twice-removed's name and such.
And they can relate alllllll the past family history of every single family member.
Aunties. Ya gotta respekt them.

9.) Houseflies.
When I'm eating, I don't like it when you fucking buzz around my food. You can buzz all you fucking want when I'm DONE. but until then, piss off.

10.) Stingy fuckers.
I guess I really have no reason to complain, since a friend of mine has informed me he doesn't "want to look at my ang pows after seeing a $2 ang pow". (for my non-chinese readers who are clueless at this point, ang pows are translated as 'red packets' because during chinese new year, people give you red packets, which are basically red packets with money inside. for well wishing.) so yeah, i mean, stingy people like that should so be banned. it's shameful, and disgusting behaviour. As well as disappointing. do you know how much poor people like us rely on that money? huh? *tsk tsk*

I'll stop for now. whee. I apologize for all the swearin', but hey. my blog, my rules. u like it or lump it. :) Cheers y'all. hope ya enjoy and pleeeeeeeeeeeeease comment!!!

please please please comment! I love comments, good or bad!

Happy CNY!

Happy Chinese New Year, y'all.

So, just a quick update and shout outs to all.

1.) I hope you guys got heaps and heaps of cash, because I didn't.

2.) I hope you guys got heaps and heaps of yummy food, which I did. :)

3.) I hope you guys got fat like me, because of above reason.

4.) I hope you guys like ya new clothes, because I kinda like mine.

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to share my new theory on CNY.

Why do we diet for ages so we can look our best in our new clothes, and go visit people on CNY only to eat and eat and eat all the junk food as well as meals (i mean full chinese feast affairs), only to gain it all back and look pudgy after CNY??

My solution:
ya gotta eat right? It's only polite. And you gotta look your best still right?
SO.
I don't have a solution. :)

Let's all get fat.

Memoirs..

I've just watched Memoirs of a Geisha today.

You know what? It was fabulous. Suddenly I felt like being a geisha would be so great, especially if you were completely sought after.. And Sayuri managed to have the surprising gift of always saying the right things at the right time. Like, clever witty double entedres.

Also, they just manage to be stunningly beautiful all the time, even if they're caught in the rain, they're dirty or whatever, they just managed to look gorgeous. Especially Hatsumomo. I know she's meant to be queen bitch or whatever, but Hatsumomo is suuuch a babe! I mean, my aunt suspects she's had some work done on her jaw or whatever, but really. Gong Li is farking beautiful.

I suppose, if I really wanted to nitpick, I could say Michelle Yeoh is kinda old, sorta more "auntie"-ish than hot-babe-geisha-ish, but really. I don't wanna nitpick over such a triviality when the movie as a whole was so great.

The camera work was beautiful. Every shot seemed to fit perfectly, and it was such a great adaptation of the book. Because you know how sometimes book adaptations turn out wonky or maybe they cut too much stuff out? This adaptation is gooooood. And you don't really need too much brains to truly appreciate it. :)

Arrghh if I say anymore, I'll give the story away.

We give it 4 an' a half pjs on the all star pj rating, the only rating system for all your movie needs.

So go on people, go catch it. And tell me what you think. ;)

A No-Brainer Quiz. For my beloved readers. :)

:: Disclaimer: I'm home, sick, alone and bored. What do I do? a) write a very lame quiz, b) write a very lame quiz, c) write a very lame quiz, or d) all of the above. ::

This quiz is intended to seperate the brainy from the brainless. Classless cheats are not welcome to participate in the quiz and will be seeded out from the top. Interviews will be conducted at a later stage for lucky participants who make it to the next round. If you have no idea what I just said, just select option B for every question (Btw, B stands for Bodoh, which is Malay for stupid).

Kindly complete the quiz below using the answers that best apply.
Do not fill out more than one answer per question and try not to cheat. If you must cheat, please do so with class. If not, just don't take the quiz at all, you classless cheat.

May I also stress that in true Pamela style, this quiz is baseless and stereotypical and does not represent any indicator of exactly how brainy ppl are because the author of the quiz isn't feeling well. May I also stress that regardless of how lame the quiz may be, it's just to keep you people happy. :)

-Self-awareness section-
Question 1: Do you think you are brainy?
a) HELL YES.
b) HELL NO.
c) I know I am, but what are you?

-Culture section-
Question 2: Can you count how many instruments is used in Shiina Ringo's Stem ?
(Hint: It's a song.)
a) 12310293810938123 instruments. (Refer to essay as attached for types of instruments and purpose in full transition of the melody, as well as technical drawings on each instrument, inclusive with original size models.)
b) Who is Shiina Ringo? What's Stem?
c) I can count great, I just am too lazy to count.

-Social section-
Question 3: Are your hobbies dabbling with genetics, a cure for aids, the probability of Tiger Woods winning the next masters', as well as designing aerodynamics for NASA rockets (you had 2 hands in Nautilus!), just to name a few?
a) Just to name a few.
b) No. My Hobbies are swimming, reading and playing table tennis. *big toothy grin*
c) Genetics bore me, it's the journey to getting aids that is my passion, Golf and NASA both suck. *yawns and stretches*

-Visual Appearance section-
Question 4: Do you possess any of the below:-
(i) Visual Aids such as spectacles, magnifying glasses, standard 10x Microscope complete with halogen lighting attachment.
(ii) Shit Hair. This includes hair which resembles pubic hair, hair which is neatly combed to one side, complete with ruler line down the scalp, or hair which has not been cut for 5 years or longer.
(iii) Checked button up shirts, pants which end 5 cm above the ankle, stipulated blue stripe socks, tie.
a) all of the above.
b) (ii)
c) none of the above. except maybe (i) for umm.. certain borderline cases.

-Academic section-
Question 5: Define 'Quark'.
a) Well it depends if you want the textbook definition or, ahem, my own definition which I personally feel encompasses the qualities much better...*rambles on indefinitely*
b) I don't unnerstand.
c) I'm Bad To The Bone Cell Nucleus Atom Proton Quark

Please refer to the below for your scoring.

If you got:-

1.) Mostly As: You are a cocky bastard that deserves to die. Please do us all a favour and drop dead instantly. Oh, and btw, you're sort of brainy. But in a very irritating way.

2.) Mostly Bs: If I say you are as stupid as a cow, I am insulting the cows. Let's just say even rocks are smarter than you.

3.) BRUDDER! or SISTER! welcome to the family. we are lazy but most likely brainy ppl.