weirdass things.

I have no idea what to blog about, but I am in the mood for blogging.

:: Disclaimer: All the below is complete fiction, don't take it seriously, I don't mean what I say, so don't throw me in jail. ::

Therefore, I have decided to start a 'bitchlist', which is purely biased and groundless, and based on gut feel (i.e.: MY gut feel), and should not be taken seriously because I am not about to go to jail for publishing this kind of shit.

Start.

Lots of stuff annoy me. My bitchlist as follows:-

1.) Old people that take miniscule steps to cross the road.
Seriously, if you're that old and feeble, get a fucking tram. Old people zoom everywhere on their shopping trolley/tram things in Australia. Don't take fucking 20 minutes to cross the road, and even if you still gots to take your bloody time, don't fucking jaywalk. Your abilities do not permit jaywalking. Not only that. but you can't possibly run away if you got accosted by policemen nor would you be able to pay the fine (i find old people notoriously carry very little money and are usually poor as.)

2.) Crying babies.
Ok, by 'crying', you may define that as 'screaming its head off prune'. I really hate babies that cry-scream. It's annoying, they're a pain in the ass, they're contributing to the noise pollution, etc. I fucking hate babies. Toddlers are ok - they're still cute-ish and that only goes for some. Babies are ugly (Linda, I agree) and they look like prunes. Evil prunes.

3.) Politicians.
This is a sensitive subject. I'll tread carefully. I fucking hate ALL politicians which makes me:
a) fair (i said ALL)
b) vague (i never mentioned any names)
c) conclusive (it's a statement)
I rule. Politicians suck. There's really no need to say anymore.

4.) Yappy dogs.
It's fine if they're still puppies, they don't know any better. But some dogs are just fuuuuucking annoying. Especially my neighbour's dog. No. this is no shih tzu or chihuahua with incessant barking tendencies. This is a fully grown golden retriever with some serious people issues. Every bloody thing. Every single form of life that goes past those gates will incur a volley of barks that do not stop for at least 10 minutes. And it's been going on for years. You could say that we would've gotten used to it by now, but.. no. I still wanna shoot the damn dog.

5.) Kara-not-ok.
Now that we're on the subject of noise pollution, I'd like to briefly touch upon the subject of shite karaoke singers. Now, I know people like to sing. I like to sing too. But I also know that my voice sure as hell ain't perfect and I may not sing the kinda songs that people would like to listen to, so I fucking KEEP IT DOWN, BITCH. Anyhow. There's this lady that lives near my friend's place who sings her hokkien songs EVERYDAY. Also, she has this screechy undertone to her voice like one of those aunties who berate their kids 24/7? along with this shriek type sound at the end of every vowel. and her taste is songs is downright dodgy. It's all the "jit parh bun'' type of hokkien songs. haha! and she's such a bad singer.

6.) Birds.
Now.. I'm not sure about you, but I've always harboured a secret (or not-so-secret) wish to kick a bird. Like, the bird would be looking in the direction and I come up behind it and give it a swift and sharp kick up it's ass and sending flying. Whoohoo! That would be SO great.
I mean, the funniest thing evah. I just recalled. Is this incident with bird poo. (sorry Candy, I have to tell it.) I was having lunch with a friend (for privacy's sake I shall just call her C- WHAHAHAHAHA) C, and we were seated just under a couple of trees on the grass lawn.
Anyhow. we were happily eating when suddenly this splodge of white stuff comes hurtling from the sky into her box of chinese. And the aftersplash went over her jeans. HAHAHAHAHAHA that was SO funny. I pretty much about died laughing just looking at the look on her face.
But yes, this is why bird poo is like, dangerous man. That was classic.

7.) Lousy drivers.
Man. no words needed. if you need fucking more than 4 times to reverse into a parking space, you are absolutely inept and should be shot. Because you're fucking holding up everyone else that could prolly do it in 2 turns maximum, loser.

8.) Aunties.
Auntie Network, or more officially known as the auntie gossip network, is a powerful thing. Also bloody annoying because they will know every bloody bit of dirty linen that you have to air.
Aunties, are a force to be reckoned with, because of their amazing ability to know everything: what was the ex girlfriend's car model or second-cousin-twice-removed's name and such.
And they can relate alllllll the past family history of every single family member.
Aunties. Ya gotta respekt them.

9.) Houseflies.
When I'm eating, I don't like it when you fucking buzz around my food. You can buzz all you fucking want when I'm DONE. but until then, piss off.

10.) Stingy fuckers.
I guess I really have no reason to complain, since a friend of mine has informed me he doesn't "want to look at my ang pows after seeing a $2 ang pow". (for my non-chinese readers who are clueless at this point, ang pows are translated as 'red packets' because during chinese new year, people give you red packets, which are basically red packets with money inside. for well wishing.) so yeah, i mean, stingy people like that should so be banned. it's shameful, and disgusting behaviour. As well as disappointing. do you know how much poor people like us rely on that money? huh? *tsk tsk*

I'll stop for now. whee. I apologize for all the swearin', but hey. my blog, my rules. u like it or lump it. :) Cheers y'all. hope ya enjoy and pleeeeeeeeeeeeease comment!!!

please please please comment! I love comments, good or bad!