Sick @ home.

I'm sick. Again. I have no idea what's wrong with me - I've taken so much sick leave these last few months because I keep on falling sick.

Now, I'm not the neurotic type where every illness means death, but I do like to know if I'm not feeling up to par - exactly what the hell is going on. And apparently it's a stomach bug. In gory detail, I've caught a viral infection that's gone straight to my intestines and tum. And it's making me have a crappy appetite and keep feeling like I want to throw up. And I have. I'm feeling really shit and very sorry for myself now. (won't explain more - I find stomach infections a turn off. Doncha?)

I know it's self-indulgent, but I'm sick, dammit. I want sympathy and luuuuurve and alot of TLC. I may not be making any sense now - put it down to the medicine's effects.
*I ain't well.*

I have to call my doc on Saturday if I don't get better. He's already given me his strongest medicine - woozy stuff, that. And I don't think it's working - I think its making me feel worse. In my intellectual medical terms, I have crazed butterflies in my tum circling at warp speed. And I won't feel better until those bloody butterflies DIE.

Also, I'm really sorry (read that as total regret) about my last post, which was rather yeeuck about the crappy adopted pet pig. I'll admit that 'baby' is a shite name for a pig. But I really thought he/she/it could be Babe's blue brother. Though after further reflection, he does look grey. And he is about the most FUCKING ANNOYING thing. You can only spray water and feed apples - that's all. Rinse and repeat. ok add FUCKING BORING as well. (Apologies for the swearing - I'm supposed to cut down but it's so haaard.) But I'm getting a kick out of dangling apples in front of 'Baby'. haha. I know it's childish and stupid, but it's the only 'fun' thing to do when you click 'play with me'. It's morbidly satisfying watching the damn thing walk around after the apple and that 'you can't have it bitch!' feeling.

ok. I'm BOOOOOOORED. staying home sick is about the un-funnest thing. I was overjoyed at first - woot! holiday! - but now i'm more like 'shit i look like fuck and I feel baaaad'.


me sick. :(

Baby.

my new adopted baby.

Oh FUCK.

:: Disclaimer: This post is really more of a whiny rant rather than one of my oh-so-humorous efforts (yeah right). You're warned.::

*feeling sorry for myself -gimme some sympathy/empathy/luuurve.*
I've busted my bloody ankle AGAIN. Atm, I'm still considering whether I should make the effort to carry my sorry ass to the physiotherapist so he can do that wonderful UV machine thing and make bruises appear in 20 minutes. Obviously, I am a PRO at ankle injuries. I know everything and anything to do with my condition - I can even treat myself. Ok that's bragging, but there is a grain of truth in there -I do HAVE the experience. I know how to tape up my ankle myself (yeah the figure 8s, 6s, blah blah).

*In case you're thinking that I'm really quite the victim, I'd have to admit that this was really my own making.*
I had the foundation already for having walking issues. Apparently, my feet are pronatic - some kind of high arch thing about my foot soles, and my knees bend outwards, so basically my legs are just really shit, and without proper care (uh huh), eventually would have developed some kind of problems sooner or later.

See, I blew my ankle when I was uhh.. 14. That's about almost 8 years now. But I didn't realize that it was really serious till I started getting regular fall-downs. And then by the time I went to go see a decent physio, I'd already been informed that I'd torn or almost torn a ligament. But I was 16, young and free and hell determined to have my way. After all, I was only 16. I was supposed to be in the peak of health and so I never gave it a second thought but went on doing whatever I wanted, and therefore SCREW the bloody exercises.

Only.. now instead of 1 torn ligament, it's 2 DEFINITE torn ligaments and some serious balance issues. I can't wear heels, have to concentrate when I walk and I'm definitely sucker pissed at that. And the exercises. Oh god, the exercises. I hate 'em. Stretch that shit. Balance on one leg. I can't even fucking stand still without losing my balance and I'm really sorry now that I ignored the physio's well meaning advice. Even now, my current physio prolly thinks i'm some kind of sad case that only pops up when she's busted her ankle, which is fairly often. On average, I reckon I see him a couple of times every quarter. Maybe more often. He must be thinking I'm such an idiotbitch that can't be bothered to do her exercises.

**more whining**
Fuck, I have arthritis. And osteoporosis headed my way coming soon. I'm only 22 fucking years old, I cannot be this pathetic. But I have no idea what to do about this. I'd like to be able to wear heels, apart from the aesthetic reasons, it's got a heck lot more to do with the fact that (oh this pains me to admit) I'm under 5 foot. damn I can't believe I just said that.
I neeeeeeed to wear heels. hot people wear heels. Fucking ugly fat 40-year old spinsters wear flats. I.e.: me. but I'm not 40. I could really do without all this shite. Really, I've enough of it to deal with as it is.

**you're sick of me, aren't you.**
Should I go see the physio? Or does anybody have any kind of alternative medicine I can try? I've tried homeopathy, which is a crock of shite. And my physio won't let me go for an operation, which sucks. Bastard.
Oh and none of that sinseh crap - been there, done that, yeah? And I despise the type that has to fucking wrench your foot out of its socket because it's apparently misplaced. Fuck that shit.
:: Note: My swearing has increased tenfold because I'm so fed up of my stupid ankle. ::
And I can't bloody throw it away - damn that's some idea.

***finally.***
ok fine whatever, I GIVE UP. I hate my ankle, I'm never going to be rid of it, Can't bloody live with it, but it's the only left one I've got.
But I still cannot be buggered to do the exercises. *grin*

Take a closer look.

Well. I redecorated. All that black was getting very depressing.
And I like the newer fresher look. It's Mclaren colours.


Go me.

My dog.

Exhibit A: Bernese @ 3 Months



I said I was going to blog about my dog.
He's muuuch more interesting than I am. He also does way stupider things.

I must remember to put some decent pictures of him up soon.
Anyways, he's a Bernese Mountain Dog, and he's named Bernese.
I know. totally Original, innit? But I had no part in the matter because at that time, I was in OZ and my 'rents, yeah actually, my dad named him. So my dog's name makes him sound like a poofter dog. Hey. It could be worse. They could've named him Precious. Or Feifei or Lucky or any of those really awful dog names.

We got him when he was 3 months old (Refer to Exhibit A above), and he's really become a part of the family. Probably because during his puppy stage, he did perform a fair amount of mischief.

He would bite and rip apart all our shoes, especially targeting my mum's most expensive leather heels, especially the hell-expensive-unknown-italian-brand type. And she was not happy about it.

I remember I came back once from OZ with my new shoes that i got on sale (but still too much for my abject poverty-stricken college allowance) and they were the last pair in the whole of OZ and they were my size. You know the kind of shoes that you spent the last 3 months staring longingly into the shop window and desperately hoping they'd go on sale?
Well after my 3 rd day back in Singapore, I found my new shoes torn into shreds.
Literally, shreds. Obviously I was furious and smacked the shit out of him.

Before any concerned dog lovers start protesting and ranting about dog rights and family violence, kindly remember that we have tried every dog teething apparatus known to man.

Yes, we know.
The hard leather type of toy that you can buy at every shop where the bone is formed out of 2 knots on either side of its length? Tried that. He broke the bloody thing on his first bite when he was 5 months old. And we had bought the biggest size (we'd thought it'd last longer).

But he was a lot of trouble when he was younger. We must've lost like almost 60 pairs of shoes.

Anyways, he's 3 years old now, and he's grown an awful lot. I reckon he's about the size of a miniature shetland pony fully grown. Or maybe a teeny bit smaller.

Still, his size does scare a lot of people, and we've had plenty of visitors to my home turn tail and run from the sight of him because he looks like he could eat them with one gulp.

Far from the truth.
The truth is, my dog's useless at these things.
See, in my family, a dog's job is to protect us. And in return, we give him his meals and shelter and whatsit.
In reality, which is very far from our definition of house dog/pet, we protect him.

This is because he is literally afraid of everything. And I really do mean everything.

Forex, Most dogs abhor birds. Doesn't matter what type, size or shape. the dog that I had before Bernese came along (another story, another time) was the fiercest dog ever, and he was a BIRDKILLER - as in he actually killed birds.
But the point is that Bernese will actually go as far as to share his food with the birds. As in, he's eating, and the birds perch on his cage and start chirping and he'd voluntarily move aside for the birds to eat. And he'll only continue eating if they fly away.

Another instance. I can still hardly believe this one.
My dog is afraid of.. (wait for it).. worms. Yeah, you heard me. worms.
He was plodding along and he saw the worm on the ground. He went up close and when the worm moved away, he flinched (like the worm physically hit him with a sledgehammer) and his tail went straight between his legs while he made his escape.
Idiot.

Also, we had received a complaint from one of our neighbours who apparently has like, 9 dogs in her backyard. According to her claim, my dog runs over and fights with her like, 9 dogs.
I'm sorry if I'm indignant or maybe biased, but that's like the most unfair fight ever.
In the first place, she has freaking NINE dogs, and a metal gate (i.e.: barrier) between her nine dogs and my wuss friend Bernese.
I also cannot believe that my dog would voluntarily get into a fight because he has virtually no masculinity or any sign of aggression in him. He's a wimp , fer chrissakes. (For my Singaporean friends/ readers: we call him "hum ji" in my family. It means 'coward'. so apt.)

Also, in terms of agression, his bravado only emerges when he sees people walking past my house, or other dogs walking past my house. And then he tries to act the hero, hustling manfully (or dogfully) to the front gate, letting loose a volley of barks intended to place terror in the passerby's soul.
2 scenarios may happen, depending on the passerby's reaction:
1.) Another loser dog. He'll then bark even louder just to show off that he's got what it takes to be a guard dog. This doesn't happen very often.
2.) Aggressive dog. If the passerby-dog barks back, or bares his/her teeth, the fight is gone and Bernese will cower and slink back to the depths of the backyard, the only territory that he can stake out but which he shares with the birds in reality.
3.) The passerby is human and looks and stares at my dog. Regardless of whether the passerby looks on in fear or in friendliness or in curiosity, his immediate reaction is to launch himself at the gate, wagging his tail nonstop, in desperate search of love, affection or food. Obviously the food is his main priority.

Therefore, my family and I have come to the conclusion that our dog is pretty much useless as a guard dog.

But he's great to laugh at.

20 things that make me smile.

20 (Mostly stupid) things that makes me smile:

*Note: Entries not in order. *

1. Whenever I manage to catch something. Like, anything. Forex, when my brother chucks me my share of yakult out of the pack. Oooh I like that. I have slippy hands.
2. When my " deleted items" folder shows a total collection of 69 unread items.
3. When some freak accident (e.g. earthquake tremors not even worthy to be read on the richter scale ) occurs in Singapore, and newspapers reveal "true life accounts" of stupid-arse people saying how "I felt my life was in danger" or "I rushed out of the shower while bathing because I thought the building was going to collapse".
4. When my mom buys goodies back, like barbecued pork (bak kua) and Langues de Chat - hoo baby.
5. Whenever Kimi wins.
6. Whenever a song I like comes on the radio and I'm bopping along.
7. Whenever I see a heneiken ad. I reeally like their ads. And that Stella Artois ad. I love the shifty look in the son's eyes and that furtive gestures implicating the pastor.
8. Whenever footy players grab each other's crotches while jumping in mid air to catch the rugby ball. (go all blacks!)
9. Whenever I see some chinese restaurant / name with sexual connotations. (I.e.: "fuk mee", "fook", "Seck's") Yes, I am that sad.
10. Whenever people who are driving me (taxi drivers, mom, friends) swearing while trying risky manouevers. (*basket! 700! try to cut me you #%@! piece of s**t go and fly kite buay hiao huah qia - siam lah!) and for the english speaking (shit-you-you-bloody-assO-muthaf***ingcocksucka-etc.) hehe. funny.
11. Seeing ugly people get married to each other. In the most tasteless wedding gear ever imagined possible.
12. Watching people run for the bus. *Run! Forrest! Run!* Now that's just funny when it's not happening to me. I swear those bus drivers do it on purpose.
13. When babies fall down and cry. Its that look of outrage that the floor tripped them up that flashes on their faces before the hurt sets in and they screw up their faes to cry. Priceless.
14. When I'm getting reprimanded for a wrong I committed and I think up a brilliantly childish and insanely stupid retort that I can't use.
15. Whenever I try to speak chinese or hokkien dialect. I'm a banana - I have no chinese roots left. And during CNY when relatives try to talk to me in their respective languages -shitfuck i sound awful.
16. Whenever my stupid dog (I must blog about my dog one day. he's so stupid) comes begging for attention or food. He looks so desperate.
17. Whenever I watch Lethal Weapon 4 and uncle benny says that immortal line "Flied lice, you plick." Cracks me up, ole' uncle benny.
18. Watching old "hero" movies. Forex, Steven Seagal movies where he can always karate chop the evil dude who always seems to be bald (my suspicion is that it's to highlight the fact that Segal's got a head of hair on, despite the fact that it's thinning heavily.) And of course, don't forget Segal's voice (According to a friend, it's a "fag-voice"). I just think he sounds like Michael Jackson. "i love you all "
19. Saying certain words. Forex, "MOJO JOJO!" it's the kind of word that demands passion and anger in your tone. And "Fuchsia". I know how its pronounced. But I can't help the inane urge to say "fuck-sia". Perhaps that's just me. Oh, and how people living in Singapore / Malaysia insist on pronouncing bananas as "bah-nah-nas". hurhurhur.
20. When I find something funny.