Valentine's Day Special

::Disclaimer: I don't like the word "love". I mean, not to be too cynical or whatever, but really. Love is merely a chemical imbalance in our hormones creating certain responses in our physical being and thus, miscontrued as emotions. You cannot feel love. I don't believe you can. You may experience love. but you cannot feel it. Because it is not an emotion, merely a bodily reaction. ::

Still. Despite all my cynicism, I'll give y'all a happily ever after.

Just for y'all, my beloved readers. :) Happy Valentine's Day (even though I do NOT celebrate it, and believe it's totally commercialized.) My first and last attempt at writing romances just like Mills and Boon. (If you're smart, you can spot the excellent references I made to M&B. and to other romances.) :P

Ahem.

Once upon a time, there lived a princess. Now, said princess was supposedly the hottest babe in the land of luurve, and she was purportedly the sexiest, because like Paris Hilton, she was loaded, she wore totally expensive skimpy attire and she had done a Mcdonald's ad. Unlike Paris Hilton, however, she was drop dead gorgeous and in a totally classy way. She still exuded sexuality like nobody's business though, so we could safely confirm that this babe is teh hotness.
Not only that, but the kingdom they lived in/pwned, the Kingdom of luurve, was a pretty hot commodity. Her daddy was very popular with his fellow lurrvelites (citizens of Kingdom Luurve), as well as the other Kingdoms. All the other kings liked to visit his kingdom of luuurve very often. Also because they heard through the grapevine that the neighbouring kingdom's king, the king of romance got hitched in the kingdom of luurve. And they brought their sons along to ogle the hot babe princess, hoping that one of them might actually manage to marry the princess, since the kingdom of luurve was by far the most profitable one yet. (They had their own merchadise.)

Anyhow. So our princess grew up in the land of luurve till she was like 23 years old, and ready for romancing. Being the hot babe that she was tho, she totally could get like, any guy, and especially the guys with all the right attributes. What attributes, you might ask. Well, our princess was always inundated with princes that were obviously drop-dead gorgeous, drove beemers and bugattis, with the requisite amazing body and six pack, obviously, who were all rounders in academics and sports, and just all around perfect. Now, perfect men, especially these princes from neighbouring Kingdoms are usually stinkers and casanovas to other less amazing girls, and our princess is no fool. Obviously she knew that these men were out there shagging other laydeez left and right when they weren't after her, but she totally didn't care, so it was kinda like, meh. Still, despite her indifference, those princes are nevertheless, men and totally dug the idea of a hot babe like her on their arms, and so desperate to get their trophy wife, they chased after her relentlessly.

Anyways, her daddy, the King, got sick of all these silly princes falling over themselves to serve our dear princess and buying her useless gifts and whatnot, that one day over their usual 10 course dinner (because he was a popular king), He basically told her to ship up or shape out. This may be loosely translated into I pwn your ass and I am kicking it out to the 1st guy who wants to marry you. So obviously after bawling her eyes out in her split pea soup, our princess was freaking annoyed with her daddy. I mean, those aren't exactly choice men and 'sides, this was the 21st century. Who wants to be forced into marriage nowadays?

But she had no choice. Her daddy had given her a deadline and by the end of the week she had to get hitched. So our princess pulled up whatever remaining dignity she had and went to get her pedicure done. That was Monday.
On Tuesday, she went shopping because it was retail therapy and because she needed to get the latest Dior by Galliano ( A woman must always keep her standards high, no matter what).
On Wednesday, she dumped half of the pretty-boy princes she'd been toying with.
On Thursday, she dumped the other half.
On Friday, she dumped the stragglers and the persistent ones from Wednesday and Thursday.

So it was Valentine's day, and obviously our dear princess was going to have to magic a husband out of nowhere to please her daddy and obviously, she had absolutely no idea what she was going to do about it. She decided to go for a bit of a tan down at the beach to mull things over and form an action plan, because she may be hot but she ain't stupid.

So. Our princess was going down to the beach of luurve to catch a little sun and tan a bit, and to think things over. She was sauntering down in her skimpiest beach attire to her usual tanning station (that may be an actual beach house in its own right, i mean, the girl is loaded. Only child and all that.). So She was happily practising her sexy walk when she tripped. On something. And fell flat on her face.

Naturally, she was really really annoyed. I mean, wtf. So, she started digging around in the sand trying to find what the hell she had tripped on, because it is a serious hazard and all, y'know.
She was madly flipping around in the sand when she located a small object. When she pulled it out, she was like, wth. It was a bunch of car keys. How freaking annoying and inconsiderate for someone to lose their keys right where she had put her foot in to trip. "oh excellent, you've found them!" a very male, very sexy voice drawled into her ear. Her left ear, to be exact.
Our princess turned around and found herself staring into the most gorgeous eyes she had ever seen. He was, without a doubt, immensely immensely hot. Dark haired and golden eyed, like some Greek Adonis. Her heart started thumping. "Excuse me, I tripped on your keys, you idiot. thump Be more careful with your stupid keys! thump " She started screeching at him. Since she already felt a lot like an eejit, she felt it was ok to be screechy. He was amused at her antics, having already decided she was teh hotness, and totally winsome. He decided to ask her out on a date. "So, shall I make it up to you over drinks?" He quirked his head as he waited for her reply.
She was at a loss. Oh, he wanted to date her! amazing! "umm.. I don't just date any one. You gotta clear my criteria first. I only date princes." She announced.

He smirked at that statement, and softly whispered in her ear "oh yeah, well that's great baby. I just happen to be a prince." She went weak kneed.

So she said ok, and they went off on their date in his car where she had found his car keys, (For the curious, he drives a beemer m3) to a wonderfully romantic french dinner complete with rose champagne. Both fell in love that night, and our princess was pretty sure she'd found the answer to her prayers that pleased both her daddy and her.

On Sunday, she had arranged for him to come over and meet her daddy for the first time. Her dad was overjoyed that she'd finally stopped messing about to find a real guy she could possibly even marry, that he'd decided he'd like the fellow just by hearing about him.

Unfortunately. On the way to the Castle of Luurve to meet the LuurveKing, our boy, the prince of Romance ( who just happened to be the offspring of a fellow luurvelite and RomanceKing) met with an accident on the motorway and died on the spot. Our princess was kept waiting and waiting and waiting. Her dad grew weary of waiting and told her very bluntly to stop fussing around with playboys like that, but she really thought he would come.

When she received the call that her boy was dead, she swooned and fainted. He was gone. Nothing could bring him back to her. However, as she lay at home, puking and crying, she realised one day that she was 4 months pregnant with his kid. not only was she broken hearted, she was knocked up as well.

She gave birth 5 months later to a beautiful boy. She died in childbirth, to join her loved one in heaven where hopefully he wouldn't be driving any beemer m3s but x5s instead.

She had finally met her one true love and they lived happily ever after. In heaven where they belonged.

Epilogue:
Her son, the prince of Luurve, met up with the princess of love (who coincidentally happened to be the offspring of RomancePrincess (yes, RomanceKing and Luurvelite had another kid) and LoveKing.) , and they got together to have 3 kids, and castle and 2 dogs. with the requisite white picket fence, of course. You may say that it's all very incestous for a half brother to marry his half sister, but they don't know and probably wouldn't care.

There. It took ages and I rushed it a bit, and literally forced this story out, so I don't care if it's not any good.

I'm no Barbara Cartland.